World, Hold on.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show"
- LENKA: The Show

Karma is such a bitch. I seriously don't know what to do. I hate how I always put myself in these stupid situations and make it other people's problems at the same time. I have to admit.. I fall too hard easily, but I can't help myself. I'm stubborn, stupid, childish, all the words you can imagine. And lastly I'm immature, you're completely right. You're right when you say I act like a little kid all the time. You're right when you say that I'm so dramatic. Truth is, I just need to grow up. I never listen to what my friends tell me. I never take their advice or my own advice, it's ridiculous. Until I get my shit straight and pull myself together, I don't think things will be the same for awhile, or maybe ever, who knows. Only time will tell.

To my best friend, I just want to say that I'm sorry for making you feel bad and guilty. I know you didn't tell me because you were just watching out for me and being careful with my feelings.. It's just you don't know how horrible and pissed off I felt after I found out you lied to me, through him. Actually, it wasn't just you who lied, but all three of you. You guys should have just told me the truth from the beginning. Despite the fact that I never do listen to you guys, telling the truth would have been the better decision. And I know I haven't been truthful to you in the past about certain things, but your lie just took the cake. I can forgive you, but I don't think I can forget about this. I'm sorry too and I don't know if all these "Sorrys" will help restore our friendship back to normal, at least not yet..

And to you, I'm sorry for making things so awkward. Who knows if you're even reading this, but if you are, I just want to say that I'm sorry for always wanting more than a friendship, when clearly that's all we are, just friends. I'm sorry for making things so complicated between
u s. I'm sorry for jeopardizing you and your best friend's friendship. This time I really am stopping. I won't be talking to you for awhile because I need a lot of space. I won't even hang out with you and everyone else for awhile. I remember you said you'd drop me and I'm not sure if you were joking or not, but I know it's something that I have to do myself. I just keep fucking up everything. I'm sorry. Good luck with everything, take care and talk to you later.